A Mean & Hurtful Mother....

by JoAnn
(California)

I am the sole survivor in my family and I have medical, legal & financial Power Of Attorney.


My brother ( her "baby" ) passed away Oct. 2009 & my daughter Mar., 2010. I struggled with her Alzheimer's & Dementia until I finally managed to move her to Assisted Living in June 2010.

These days, she is alternately passive, angry, aggressive, spiteful and insulting. My Mom always lived a tight little "box" where she had full control & was secretive, as opposed to "private".

Now she regularly accuses me of lying to her and cheating & stealing her money if I need to use any of it to keep up the house or buy anything that she sees as " not needed". I have my own emotional & physical issues ( just diagnosed w/ Thyroid cancer ) but she is oblivious to it all.

Everyone, including her Doctor's advise me to " do what I feel is necessary" and I do feel a certain moral & legal obligation to see to her care. I'm not particularly close to her & never have been so this is pretty rough on me.

My question: how do I accept that it's the Alzheimer's/Dementia that causes the irrational outbursts & insulting comments & not take it personally & want to just walk away?

Any comments/ suggestions / personal accounts are really welcomed. Many thanks., JoAnn

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Good Website
by: Anonymous

I just can't imagine how a mother can be mean and hurtful. I have never seen a mean mother in my whole life.

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Your Mom
by: Chantel Hammer

Just show love. Know that one day you could be like that and how you would want people to treat you when your older and/or forgetful and hateful at times.

This is something that comes with the disease. It is a disease...a sickness.

Take time out for you. If she is in an Assisted Living Home, know that she is being well taken care of. I know guilt sets in when you don't spend as much time with her as you can. But think of it this way. If you lived away from your mother when she was okay, you might of called her a couple times a month to keep in touch.

It is okay to take time for yourself. Send cards, little gifts on occasions makes their day. My father swears he only goes to Perkins only on Fridays when they have clam chowder. Reality is, he goes there everyday. He just does not remember. That is what happens.

He gets mad and opinionated. We just walk away when he gets that way. We do not have to sit and take that abuse which they do not know is what they are doing. Walk away, say you will be back and I can assure you, they will forget about what they were talking about. You would not let any other person treat you that way, do not let your mother treat you that way.

Don't let resentment and anger set in now especially, since you have medical conditions that need your full self to get better and healthy. God Bless you for standing by her side, even if the relationship was not the best. God does bless those who blesses others.

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