A Cry for Help

by Maria

I am 43 years old, the youngest of 7 children. My mom has lived with me all my life. I have 4 children of my own 2 are now adults and on their own and two that are still in school(8 & 15).

My mom recently had a mini stroke so, of course everyone was concerned..... I told my brothers and sister that I was afraid of taking care of mom because the doctors said that her chances of getting another stoke are higher. My husband and I both work and our children are involved in several academic activities. So there is no one staying home with her all day.

They tell me to do whatever I think is best so I suggested we put her in a nursing home. So then they tell me that they don't think that's what I should do and that they will be here to help me when I already know that they're not. Why is it that they say its my decision but when I tell them what I want to do they don't seem to agree?

So I am very confused, stressed, overwhelmed and tired so my week at the hospital this is what I wrote on how I feel;

Here at the hospital almost a week long....
A few people come to visit, no one stays long
Everyone has things to do or places to go...
Is that the type of help I will be looking for?

They said they are willing to help
It's easier said than done
Time will tell and soon the help will be gone.

Why tell me the decision is up to me
On whatever I want to do
I'm scared of taking care of her
What is it that I should do?

I want for her to be safe
She is in need of care
Mom had mini strokes
We weren't even aware

I wish someone would take her
I don't want to sound mean
She has been with me all my life
So can someone intervene

I am tired and worn out
Stressed and confused
Something tell me
I'm fixing to get used

Should I put her in a nursing home
They say that's not something I should do
Please God help me
To convince my family too

I really have my doubts
About the help they say they'll do
I love my mom dearly
So what can I do

In the end nothing will be done
They will be here a week or two
I will be back to the same routine
Every year through and through

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I agree with "They Have You"
by: Third Sister

I could not have said it better than the commentator above. Of course they don't want Mom sent to a nursing home, but neither do they want to step in and provide care either.

I think you need to step back and consider what your bottom line is. If your siblings provided some minimum level of help, would you be willing to keep Mom with you, or would you still want to move her to a nursing home? If the latter, move her, and tell them that if they want to take her into their homes, they're more than welcome and you'll visit often.

If the former, then what is your minimum level of help that would make the situation manageable for you? If they agree to it, let them try. If they fail to live up to their commitments, let them know they're risking alternative number 2, nursing home for mom.

At some point if they show you that they won't do whatever it is they've promised, you have to make the decision that's best for you however they feel about it. It isn't fair for you to carry this all alone. It's very easy for siblings to mean well and do nothing. Trust me. I know.

I am Here for You
by: Quirino

I hear what you wrote and like no one else I know too what you are going through. I can not promise you the world, but I offer you my companionship to help you through and the voice you need when your scared because I love you .

They have You, why Should that Change?
by: Anonymous

Let me make this PERFECTLY CLEAR...your siblings have a free nursing home with the perfect, loving caregiver that they can trust completely. YOU!

Therefore, they have no vested interest in putting your mother in a home. She's already in the perfect home...YOURS! They don't have to come to visit. They don't have to worry. They don't have to take her to doctor's appointments. They don't have to sit by her bedside. They don't have to do anything. THEY HAVE YOU.

You don't have to ask their permission to do anything. You have been making all the decisions and have had all the responsibility all these years. You do what YOU think and KNOW is best. SCREW THEM! They aren't going to visit her in the nursing home. Nothing is going to change. You will still be the one that cares. They will still be the ones who don't give a darn.

YOU DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. If the really care so much, let them bring her into their homes as you and your husband have done all these years. Let them put their money where their mouths are. I guarantee that they won't do a darned thing because they haven't done anything all these years.

STOP ASKING THEIR PERMISSION RIGHT NOW! They don't care about anyone but themselves. They have proven this for many, many years.

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