A Balance Between Kindness and Resentment
I live in the same city as my 86-year old mother. She has has 2 catastrophic health-issues over the last 2 years. Last time, I fell into the role of caregiver; this time, I refused, and (interestingly) she recovered, using other supports. I am willing to drive her to doctor's appointments, help her with grocery-shopping and take her on outings; however, I have had to be clear about refusing to do personal care.
I feel that it's a slippery slope, and do not wish to be tethered to her, in this way. I have a sibling who does her fair share, and we have an understanding that our mother will eventually move to assisted living.
I am planning to move to a city more to my liking, after our mother makes this transition; however, I will continue to be involved with ongoing issues, with our mother.
The family background isn't the healthiest (alcoholism, child abuse, severe financial stress, divorce) and I have come to feel that our mother has added a great deal of stress to my life.
I after find myself feeling triggered/irritable around my mother; however, I do my best to remain even, with her. My goal, is to honour her as the venerable figure that she is, and help her to remain independent for as long as possible.
It's not always easy; however, I am doing my very best.