8 Years of Caregiving my Elderly Mother Then She is Swept Away by my Brother

by Teri Ann
(NYC)

I really don't know what I am feeling. All I know is that I promised my Father I would take care of my Mother and never put her in a home.


I lived in a 2 family home to begin with, but once my Dad died I myself moved into my Mothers home downstairs leaving my husband and 2 boys, at the time 17 & 19.

Now, 8 years later, my brother comes in from Florida, I live in New York, and sweeps her away.

I confided in my brother and another brother about the issues I was dealing with with my Mother. She began to shows signs of Dementia/Alzheimer's so I began researching.

I couldn't believe what I found. I found that sometimes a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) could cause symptoms of Dementia/Alzheimer's in the elderly.

I also found that what younger people experience, such as burning, blood in the urine, etc. are not exhibited in the elderly.

Since my Mom wouldn't go to the doctor I home tested her for a UTI. The results were undeniable. She had a UTI. During this time period and before she was becoming more and more debilitated, forgetting things, hallucinations, the accusations and wild stories of her treatment, which were totally untrue.

Then, one day, unbeknownst to me she phoned my brother and said he needed to get her out of here. He quickly arrived and in less than 1/2 hour she was gone.

Now, while she is away my brother has told me he doesn't see anything wrong. He also has been accusing me, not directly, but getting his point across that she had money missing, someone painted her car, silly things.

None of which had anything to do with any of the people in the house. Now, after 8 years, I'm the bad guy. He won't talk to me. Says that I shouldn't talk to my Mom because I agitate her and so on.

I know it has only been 2 days but I'm so stressed. How can I be betrayed like this? My brother saying he was coming to New York to sit down with me and my other brother and figure out what we should do. Then BAM. WTF? I am an emotional wreck.

Here, after I took care of her for 8 years and dealing with all that comes with a 79 year old woman, her prince in shining armor arrives and whisks her away. I'm so heart broken, beyond words. I'm lost. What do I do?

I already miss her, even with all the craziness.

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Your Time Now
by: Anon

I'm sorry to hear how you were treated by your brother. I have had heated arguments with my brother too.

8 years is a long time that you had to care for your mother, perhaps you could look at it as a well earned break now. Your brother will soon see what all is involved.

If your mother did not legally designate you as her health care proxy or power of attorney, I guess your brother feels he has a right to do this. It will iron itself out over time.

Maybe it's good, now your brother can see what factors are involved in caregiving. God luck to you

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