70 Year Old Father Always Angry.....
I'm 30 years old as well as the oldest (I have a younger sibling) and I am the one who has to "deal" daily with our father. He lives less than a mile from me, and I feel like I am on call 24/7. He is independent but with his health declining he is getting more and more angry at the world. He's always been an angry/bitter person for all of my life, and many times I am the person he lashes out at throughout the years.
My mother died when I was young, so my dad did have to raise two daughters by himself. He was generous in helping me get a place and paying off my sister's student loans....but then for all of that he guilt trips the heck out of me for everything.
I want to actually have a life and meet people? "I can never rely on you or anyone to help me move things or look at furniture." (I have done that for him.) If I want to go out with friends or try to be social? "You have ALL the time in the world to do things for others but never anytime for your Dad.
Whatever did I do to you for you to be so selfish?!" (Again I talk to him DAILY and see him everyday or every other day.)
I shouldn't let it bother me, because his anger is nothing new since he's always been short-tempered....especially with me. I have my own disability that sometimes short-circuits (how I describe it) my ability to think or to express myself verbally.
By the time I'm able to say what's in my head, it's "too late" for him or the message gets messed up in which case I'm "being stupid." My sibling agrees that he is just a bitter old man, but she also doesn't get dealt any of the extreme daily bitterness he spews onto me.
She doesn't like talking to him because of how he is, but then doesn't want to hear it from me when I NEED to vent it out about how he treats me at times.
He just yells and lashes out
so easily that I am constantly feeling on guard for what he could say. I tell myself he is lonely (no friends), not feeling well (though I think some of his symptoms are for attention from me or give something to complain about), and that he is exhausted from having worked hard his whole life.
He also refuses to go out and meet new people as he always finds fault in others. I feel like I owe him to be there for him whenever he needs me, but it's been such a drain on me mentally.
I should be used to his behavior but it just keeps escalating and I find myself crying when I'm alone. My life has been revolving around his for years, and it's just gotten to the point where I don't want to be around him- yet that makes me feel incredibly guilty and selfish.
My sister will be engaged shortly, and is able to live her life without being questioned what she is doing at all times of the day. Am I jealous? Yes. I have to basically lie in order to go out on a date, because of my fear as to how my dad would act.
Yet he likes to bring up that I'm single and most likely won't have a relationship at all in my life. So though unfair of ME, but I'm jealous of how my sister gets to live her life with minimal annoyance from my dad and is in a committed relationship.
My dad constantly compares us, and I have always been found lacking....though he is self-aware a few times to thank me for what I do. Which is followed up by a guilt trip of how I make him feel guilty or he lashes out at me for something.
Sorry for the rambling, but I also wanted to say how much this website has helped me. To know others are going through the same things, as well as to help prepare myself for what's ahead.
I know that this website is for boomers versus my Millennial self....but thank you all for at least giving me knowledge I'm not alone in this scenario.