70 year old caregiver left nothing in will

by Slavegirl

As a professional nurse,and new daughter-in-law at age 55, I thought inviting my new husband's mother to live with us would be a blessing. He was a widower with 2 young teen children who missed their mother so much. Having their much loved paternal grandmother, 80, live with us had great potential. Potential for catastrophe is more like it.

I have to encourage anyone who voluntarily takes in an in-law or parent to really think it through. They may demand that they are the center of your life and marriage and they may live until you are old (my case.) My mother -in-law just died at age 93 after 13 years of living with us.

Long story short, my husband was her "crown prince" (one of 3 sons) and I was the "Help."

Though wildly loved by everyone who knew her for her sparkling personality, great smile and constant desire to gather and party, she needed a ladies maid/servant/slave and I was it. Nothing changed over all of these years.

And my husband? The crown prince worshiped the queen. So when she turned on me, he said nothing...ever. Just went upstairs and left me to care for her. Year after year.

And now that she's gone? She left me nothing. Not even a mention or thank you. Her estate to be splint between the 3 sons. I am so hurt and angry and feel so betrayed by both MIL and husband who honestly, cares/d little for me except to let me care for his mother.

How do I cope knowing I did this to myself? That I poisoned my thinking with false hope. All of the years of sacrifice of my life. Curling her hair while I was in chemotherapy, barely able to breath. The queen wanted her hair done. Nothing done for me.

If I said something indicating weakness or need, I heard "Poor you!" This entire family is lacking in compassion and empathy. Narcissistic vipers, all. And I was the biggest fool of all.

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by: Anonymous

Some people allow themselves to be used for whatever reason; compassion, concern of what will happen to the patient without you, and yes anticipation of monetary appreciation eventually.

I know because I am one of them. I have been a caregiver of a 71 yr old male for five years. One thing improves and then there is another health issue to take its place. I have been doing everything . His family does not help.
I feel trapped and resentful but still keep giving excellent care.

A psychologist might call this being a martyr.
But I think sometimes you are just the one who is there to help . you don't choose to be the caregiver you just get stuck with it and if you are a responsible , unselfish person, you do it.

move on
by: sm

Time to move on.. from your husband and that family...Your still young at 55 have a great career..Do your thing...

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