5 Years of This and It's Not Fair

by Clarence
(Los Angeles, CA )

My father had his stroke 5 years ago when I was in my first semester of law school. Dealing with dad, the toughest year of law school and raising a teen alone was a challenge. I'm one of 8 kids and the only one lifting a finger.

I resent my siblings the most when I failed the bar the first time, juggling dad, his gripes, mood swings and not understanding that focus for the bar needs to be drama free. It wasn't and I cried my eyes out when I failed.

I took it again, and same struggle, no sibling help and I'm here in the house trying to study after work. I work in the legal profession which is stressful enough, pull into my driveway and I'm blasted every night with some parade of horribles.

Siblings are bragging about European holidays, skiing and having fun. I go to the state bar testing site for 5 days that's been my only break in 5 years. My dad will be scheduled to have a triple bypass soon and every night he tells me how he won't make it and has to take his dynamite pills.

I can't deal with my own stress and have his on top. He just got his license back after 5 years and complained daily about that, now that he has some freedom to go to local places he still finds something to get angry over.

Tonight wasn't very good, I am at the end of my rope. My bar results come out in 2 days and dad took me for a birthday dinner and just complained so much about the food it was ruined. I should have gone to Subway and ate alone in my office.

I'm venting because I'm at my wits end, one brother came for 5 days but it was to hit up dad for $20,000 he got it and left. Like I said I have 7 siblings and I'm the one who is there and tonight was a bad night.

I don't think I can be his caregiver and study for the bar again I need my career and worked hard for it. I can't manage the stress anymore and feel guilty for even thinking of giving up. I wish my parents never divorced because it's my mom who should be doing this not me. :-(

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by: Anonymous

I would like to say that it is so unfair, especially since there are 8 siblings in your family. I will NEVER understand why it always falls on just one family member.

If your Dad does not want to go to assisted living, how about hiring a home health nurse to come in and assist? Please work something out.

You have worked too hard and should be able to concentrate on your career. God bless your compassion. It speaks to your character. Shame on your siblings!

by: Anonymous

Wow, out of 8 kids you are the only one lifting a finger. That is so unfair. I know how you feel.

I too am the only one in my family caring for Mom, while everyone else goes on living their lives to the fullest. Why should one sacrifice everything while they do nothing.

I commend you for caring for your Dad. It speaks to your heart. You care. It sounds like you may have to hire help. Too bad your Dad loaned the money you mentioned to your brother. It could have gone towards hiring a Nurse.

Please look into hiring someone. I hope you are able to get some of the load off your shoulders sod that you can at least concentrate on your career. I have heard so many healthcare Professionals say that it seems they see only one family member in every family they see, with a dementia related illness, providing full time care while the others stay silent.

It is not fair to you or to your Dad. It is your siblings fault that you are burned out and your Dad is in need. Please hire someone to help or schedule a family meeting and share your heart.

If they still refuse to help, find help and tell brother that he will no longer be able to come to Dad for loans, because his money will be paying for in home health care, so that you can pass the bar - it is only fair.

You have worked too hard in Law School and this situation cannot stand in the way any longer. Shame on your siblings!

Please--Save Yourself
by: Anonymous

It sounds like your father is in a financial position to afford a retirement community or assisted living. (I know, I know, he can't see any reason to go. Why should he when his own flesh and blood, blah, blah, blah.)

I've read many stories here about people who have sacrificed years of their lives in what can be an extremely stressful, often unsatisfying, long-term journey to the same destination we all face. Along the way, loss of income and one's own hope for a decent retirement get jettisoned.

You have worked hard to achieve a useful, independent life of your own, and you have the right to live it.

Set a date for your escape, and give everyone notice that you will be returning to that life.

Carefully consider how you word your announcement, then speak up. Those siblings will either step up to the plate or not. Save yourself.

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