5 Years of This and It's Not Fair
(Los Angeles, CA )
My father had his stroke 5 years ago when I was in my first semester of law school. Dealing with dad, the toughest year of law school and raising a teen alone was a challenge. I'm one of 8 kids and the only one lifting a finger.
I resent my siblings the most when I failed the bar the first time, juggling dad, his gripes, mood swings and not understanding that focus for the bar needs to be drama free. It wasn't and I cried my eyes out when I failed.
I took it again, and same struggle, no sibling help and I'm here in the house trying to study after work. I work in the legal profession which is stressful enough, pull into my driveway and I'm blasted every night with some parade of horribles.
Siblings are bragging about European holidays, skiing and having fun. I go to the state bar testing site for 5 days that's been my only break in 5 years. My dad will be scheduled to have a triple bypass soon and every night he tells me how he won't make it and has to take his dynamite pills.
I can't deal with my own stress and have his on top. He just got his license back after 5 years and complained daily about that, now that he has some freedom to go to local places he still finds something to get angry over.
Tonight wasn't very good, I am at the end of my rope. My bar results come out in 2 days and dad took me for a birthday dinner and just complained so much about the food it was ruined. I should have gone to Subway and ate alone in my office.
I'm venting because I'm at my wits end, one brother came for 5 days but it was to hit up dad for $20,000 he got it and left. Like I said I have 7 siblings and I'm the one who is there and tonight was a bad night.
I don't think I can be his caregiver and study for the bar again I need my career and worked hard for it. I can't manage the stress anymore and feel guilty for even thinking of giving up. I wish my parents never divorced because it's my mom who should be doing this not me. :-(