"1 out of 3"

by K Carey
(Independence, MO)

I'm number one out of three I'm the closest one to our mother the other two really don't have much to do with her and we were just told yesterday that my mom has less than 30 days maybe to live and I'm mad or frustrated I can never get a hold of my sister my brother and all the sudden I can't deal with my mom.

I don't know how to deal with her all I can do is cry then I walk in to my mom's tonight and my little sister sitting there she's number three and they're getting along peachy King when I only think my mom can do is scream and yell at me tell me what I'm doing wrong I have not doing it right how I'm being mean I don't know what I'm supposed to do

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Not much time left
by: Anonymous

That’s not much time. Siblings might be clueless about what is all involved in caring for a parent. DO NOT allow the absent siblings to suddenly start making decisions or demands regarding mothers care.

If they are not their to help before this, is they have no rights to tell you how to do anything (unless they are willing to 100% take full responsibility of her care 24/7).
Unfortunately some thrive on the drama they create (I’ve seen this many times). In extreme cases a restraining order may be needed to protect your mom and yourself from siblings with ulterior motives (ie changing the will etc).

right now
by: Anonymous

Yeah, it's not about you right now even if you do have the right to stand and yell, "Hey, I'm the one who has done everything! I'm the one who has been there! Where were my siblings when I or you needed them? Thanks a lot!"

Sure, that applies, but at this time for your mom with so little left of her life you unfortunately need to keep those thoughts silent. People will usually strike out at those closest to them and that's what's been happening to you.

Likely if it had been one of your other siblings taking care of your mom, it would have been them and you could have gotten to be the golden child who just shows up and is treated like gold.

Life isn't fair and dealing with aging parents is really unfair. However, when the dust settles you have the advantage of knowing in your heart that you did the right thing, even if it seemed unappreciated.

Your siblings on the other hand will have to deal with their own inner guilt which will haunt them for a long time in how they treated her mother. So hold your head high, shelve your personal feelings and give your mom this one last gift of allowing her to feel love (even if misplaced) before she is gone.

your mom
by: Anonymous

Perhaps with only thirty days left to live, your siblings will come to the table and be decent for your mom's sake. People usually don't realize what they have until it's too late.

Accept that and put your bitter feelings aside until after she is gone and deal with them at that point. Right now this isn't about you, it's about the final days of a woman who lived her life on this earth.

If she can leave comforted that her children loved her - whether they have been model children in the past or not - that needs to be the goal.

No, it's not fair to you who has done everything, but right now if you can, swallow your anger and give this one last gift to your mom. It's hard, I know, but it's only thirty days give or take.

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